Jadded Bitter Joy Crusher.

I'm not going to talk about my past.
Theres too many strings, too many situations.
You'll get just as lost as I am, and I can't let that happen.
I'm not that cruel.
However, I feel like some backgorund information is crucial to understand my chaotic distorted life.
So here it is:
Currently, I have two Besties.
Thier names are Kirsten [Kerrrr-st-in] and Kilgore. [Kill- Gore]
It's Christmas break from my Florida High School located in the city of Largo.
Thus the given name of my school is just that: Largo.
My Sorta-Kinda Best friend Justin is comming over in a few too steal away all of my money and Christmas gifts to buy his sister a camera I "broke" nine months ago.
I only call him a Sorta-Kinda Best Friend because we only sorta act like such.
We hardly ever talk anymore. And when we do it's just the latest gossip attack on our other friends.
And when its not about gossip, it's usually a fight about his morals or how he treats his friends and his girlfriend, who is my best friend, Kilgore.
Kirsten likes Justin, and everyone knows it, but shes only straight -up told me and refuses to tell anyone else, even though everyone always knows about this little mishap.
kirsten and I pretty much tell each other everything.
Anyways, Everyone feels betrayed because Kirstens not being honest with Kilgore and Justin, who happens to be her best friends as well as I.
Yes, the four of us our Best friends. Except for the fact that I consider Justin a Sorta-Kinda Best friends despite how long we've known each other, which has been since first grade. He dosn'nt like Kilgore. He's just going out with her to go out with her. He likes six other different people, two in different states. He thinks that his ex of two years still likes him, but she was my best friend for four years until three months ago, and I know her well enough to know thats not true, he only wishes it were reality. Justin and I live two blocks away from each other, and theres this chick Spam who lives next to us. Everyone calls her Spam because her name is Samatha. I call her Spam because it reminds me of her personality. Shes obnoxious, loud, rude, and irritating, and shes obsessed with Justin. For two years until a month ago he despised her. He didn't want anything to do with her. That was until a month ago when he became desperae because Kilgore and his relatiopnship was falling through, so he decided to break a few vows and started hanging out with her. My sister and spam our friends, but Justins sister and Spam are enemies. Despite this, My sister [Brandee] and Justins sister [ Brittnay] have been best friends since kindergarten. Actually, the only reason Justin and I became friends was because we found out our sister were Best Friends.
About a month ago, I got a phone call while a work from Kirsten. She told me she was on AIM with Leyna, and that she didn't want to befriend eithier of us anymore. She basically said she was too good for us, and that her new BFF's [ Which is Lance who is a Senior that went out with Leyna Freshman year until he fell for my best friend Maria and they were going out ever since until a few months ago because they wanted to see other people, and Ashley, who is dumber then a ten pound bag of rocks, and has the personality of a goldfish, along with the emotional stabblitly of a Bi-polar schizophrenic backeracted victim.] were a billion times better than us and that she no longer need the drama we created for her. In reality however, she was the most dramatizing person in our group. She was the person that constaly complained about drama, but secretly loved creating it. Thats why Wayne was the only one on her side when she left us. Wayne was Kirstens best friend up unitl four months ago. Kirsten trusted Wayne with all her heart, but I couln't find any room to believe him. He manipulated, blackmailed, and destroyed Kirsten. By now, i guess you can tell four months ago everyones life started to deteriorate. This is a very accurate statement. Wayne decided to slit Justins tires four months ago, and ever since then, everyone split up. Wayne is now out of all of our lives, and Leyna was suppoes to be as well. She told me she hated us all, and that I ruined everyones lives, and then two days later, she continually tried to get my attention in class [ we have a class together] and she accused me of ignoring her. Go figure. Shes never to blame. Ever since then, we talked. Kilgore and Leyna Hate each other. It's because they are exactly the same. But you can't tell either one of them that or they'll fuck you up. Kilgore is jealous of Leyna because Justin hangs out with Leyna. Kilgore thinks Leyna is pretty, and that that makes her a threat. Leyna just dosen't like Kilgore because justin gives Kilgore more attention her Leyna. At least he used to. A month ago Justin told Kilgore he never liked her in the forst place and that he only went out with her because she was the onyl one willing. Apparently, that was a turn-on for Kilgore because they are still "going out". Shes just afraid no one else will like her, so shes in it for the way she feels when shes with a boyfrind, real or fake relationship, she dosen't mind either.
I have another best friend, Dylan. He lives an hour away so I rarley see him, but we still constantly talk. I used to be able to open up to him, he was one of the few I trusted, but it seems like we've lost touch, mainly becaue of the geological distance. I used to like him, alot. more than I've liked any other guy, ever. However, I just couldn't face my fears and dedicate myself. I don't put myself in positions to get hurt. I don't trust anyone to never let me down, because I've been let down by trusted people too many times.
Rebecca was everyones friend until four moths ago as well, until the slit tire incident. Her and Kirsten were very, very close. But She felt as if everyone was gangin up on Leyna when she decided to take a leave of absence from our lives, so she felt that leyna was all alone, and that we didn't do anyhting but cheer her on, which is the biggest mistake anyones ever made. We've only spoken once, when I ran into her at her work a week ago. other than that, we haven't talked. Four years ago I discovered the pleasure of pills, puke, and razors. I never really stopped any of them. Especially now with all the events of the last four months piling on my back like I am to blame, as with everything. When Leyna told me our friendship was fake, I carved FAKE into my leg to remind me how much pain a fake friendship brouhgt me, and to remind myself never to get involved in one ever again. My carving didn't even scar over before she was back in my life. Last week, justin and I got into a fight. I was so upset I ODed. It wasn't becasue he was mad a me. It was the fact that nothing ever felt right in my life. Iv'e been suicidal forthe past three years, and no one truly understands the depths of my desires. Somethings stopping me, but I just feel it. I breathe it.

And this is the conclusion to my very long, drawn-out, fiasco of a life.=)).