oh, if this is rock bottom... Then I say, "God damn! The view from here is breath taking..."

Jult, August, September and October. Four months from my last post, which couldnt really be considered apost at all, because Its not realy finsihed, and its only a list. I'm very proud to say I met this guy, in early July. At first I just felt like he talked to me because I was the only one who actualy listeneed to the words he spoke, instead of pretending to be interested. He broke up with his girlfriend of three years, and was completley devestated. This fractured him so much, that later on in the month of August, when we dated, he could not go through with it. He couldn't dedicate himself to another. But Im not one for blaming him, especially when feelings are as strong as his is. Anyways, After going out a few times, i warmed up to him, and really started wanting to get to know him, and not just about his ex. I saw how delicate, and caring he was; but I also knew of the recent tragedy that put his entire life and view on relationships into a new perspective. Ever since our first word, we've pretty much been inseperatable, which is completley otolerable in my book, in fact its a preference of mine I have yet to share to anyone. Kirsten did'nt really feel too keen on the idea of me having a boyfriend. She told him I couldnt handle a relationship, and that I was going to leap out of it as soon as I possibly could. These words stung because I'm not one to play a game and not finish. Not that this is a game, this was real. You get my point. Anyways, everytime I'd text someone, she'd be asking me if it was Joe. I tried calling him when I spent the night, she'd get aggitated. i didn't really care though. I learnt fairly quickly to block out her negativness. I was happy, and thats all I cared about at the moment. Amanda, Joes old ex, kept trying to pry herself back into a relationship with Joe, but he refused. I'm still not all too sure why. He still talks about her constantly, and feel like the only reason he hasnt gone back to her yet is because he slept with another guy, and that jealousy could never dissipate. This guy MAanda slept with used to be Joes friend, until Amandas best friend broke up with John, who is now the guy that Amanda slept with, and is still currently dating. So anyways, Joe broke up with me, a week shy of our two month. Our relationship caused too much drama for his body to handle. With Kirsten manipulating words, and changing stories, to work finding out about us, to Joe not getting a premotion, his grandmother on his back twenty-four seven, my father banishing him from my house, me getting caught sneaking out. Nothing ever seemed to be going right around us, even though together, we felt right. So thats the end of that. We're still together everyday in one form or another, and when we see each other we still act as if we are together. Which has been hurting me, I must admit because I am not one to fool around, and not have some sort of commitment built inbetween each action... but as of now I'm taking what I can get, and going with whatever flow he puts me on. It just never seems enough, which is why I've been frowning latley. Last week, Kirsten and i ended our friendship. I cannot say how relieved I am, honestly. I loved her to death, but every once of drama that has ever occured outside of my family life, I always seemed to find her at the core of it all. And it was just so over-bearing for so long, and I finally got the courage to talk to her about it. But more drama swooped in. I just had to. I'm trying to better myself, and I can't live with lies in my chest anymore. The forst day we got into our argument I found out she hung out with Leyna the next day. Or the same day, tomatoe, tomata. Shes so desperate... the both of them. It kills me to think I befriended eitheir of them with them both acting so... i cant even describe it. But whats done is done, and I'm willing to live with it. She was just so emotionaly attached. Too much. Everyone can see it. Everyone voulentarily has come up to me and pointed it ut, so I know I'm not by myself on this one. it was just time. Over-due. Kilogre and I are as strong as ever. Getting closer everyday, and I'm glad about that kone. Shes so much more understanding than Kirsten. i could talk to Kirsten, ut she never really understood where I was comming from. And thats what I need. And besides, Leynas been waiting for something to go wrong with Kirsten and I, just so she could rub it in my face about how sucky I treat my friends, how much better off she could do with her. How much I was holding her back. And I find it so funny. A sad funny though. Not a humorous one. Brandee the other day was all like "yeah, this stuff is for my sister, shes going to see her ex best friend ex best friend." It as hilaious. You wont understand what Im saying, just know that they are amazing.=)