Commonplace occurences

My week was pretty rad.
Tones of beach time.

Tones of reflexion time.
Caught an octopus. Let it free.

Lala. the end.

Today was the last day my cousins were down in Florida, and I missed them. i had to work, and was unaware that I wouldn't be able to attend afterwards. I'm oretty upset about it too, because I didnt even say goodbye, and I hate not saying goodbye. I hate goodbyes altogether. If you tell someone goodbye, your stating that your leaving. Of thier leaving. Whoever, and that your beoing seperated for an extended amount of time. If you dont say goodbye, and you just leave, or they just leave, theres no closure. What if something happens, and you can never see them again, say a death. Then where are you? Exactly. Your stuck with loose ends, regrets, and sadness. I know everyone leaves in the end. I know that too well. So well, that the thought of loosing everyone is pulling me back. Restraining me from saying hello to people, to expand, to socialize. Not that I have a problem with talking. I csan talk for hours on any given topic, hands down. But the fatc of the matter is... the more people you know, the more people that leave. The more heartbreak you'll get, and the more vulnerable you'll become. How can anyone possible want to set themselves u for something like that? Seriously. Hellos are no better than goodbyes however. For one simple fact. When saying hello, your garnteeing yourself there will be a goodbye. And if there isnt a goodbye, your left with untied strings of gulit. Once again, this cyle never runs dry in my mind. The human race is deadly. Everyone lies to get ahead, to gain trust, to make you believe the things you only want to hear. Once they've got you hooked, they squeeze as much juice as they can out of you. they love watching the pain they inflict. They marvel at the power they have, the things of you they can control. And once your left with nothing. No feelings, no strength, no pulse... well, it on to the next soul. I'm probably just biased, due to my past experiences... or maybe lack thereof as well. I just know how this world works. How the poeple here work. The shame I feel for every indivisual who does a wrong. I don't understand how we can live among people who rape, murder, slander, hurt, prostitute, pimp, lie, steal, distruct, leave, consume, etc.etc. Yes, by consume I'm talking about Jeffrey Dahlmer style. Or however his name is spelt. I mean, can you believe people do that? Kill other humans for food. I will admit, I eat white meat, and thats no better. But aren't we suppose to be a civil society? The government and History books tell us that we are the people who control this land. We are on the top of the food chain. We have the domnant power over everything else that lies beneath us. People are suppose to love people. Were not suppose to be the type of population that dumps the most vulnerable people on the street because they cant afford to pay thier medical bills. we're not suppose to be the type of population who bombs thier own land. Different countries fighting for land, for oil, for power. My teacher last semester tought his class class that Hitler was once here, to teach future humans the horrors of hate. And he's seaking of all of this while our troops. Our killing machines are over in other countries, bombing the innocent. Destorying lives of people who have dine nothing but feel, and breathe, and try to make a living. The same way we're doing. While were over there, gang bangers, and hate crimes are happening right in front of our own eyes. We have the largest military force on earth, and yet we cant eve maintain and control our own. My father currently owns three riffles, and a hand gun. He carries that hand gun around with him everywhere for "protection". Then, the other night, I heard him talking about going out and uying a few more handguns and whatnots from this lady. Why would one person need so many guns for his "protection"? Is he planning on hooking them all up an ramps on our roof, aiming specifiaclly at certain spots, hoping there will one day be a crazed person out there, inching towards our house? Most likely not. It's all about power. The more guns, the more control you have over everyone else. He keeps them hidden in a gigantic lock fire safe box. My mother dosent even know the combination. This way, if hes not home, which he is never home, mind you. This way, if we are home alone without him, what "protectiuon" are we going to use? Our "protetion" is "safeely" hidden away in a fire safe box. Well, at our family will have the comfort of knowing that if there was a fire, our lovely guns are safe. So im pretty sleep deprived right now, I havent slept, and schools in an hour and a half. Iv'e never really had anyone close to me die. I dont care how monsterous this sounds eithier, but I want someone to die. I want to know my reaction to someones death. I think about it all the time. I constantly think about other reactions to my death. I could make a movie on my death. Everyones reactions scaped out oin mymind. How they found out, who they heard it from, the look on thier face, who would come to my funeral, the songs they would play. What Id be buried in. Everything. So. Yeah. Well, by the sound of my alarm screaming "yeah bitch yeah" to me. so, till next time?

Don't break down, my concrete girl.

My Spring Break is going by wonderfully. At first, I believed I was going to sit around all day, watching youtubes, and reading AP magazines.

However, this Spring Break has been inceasingly delightful.

Monday, I went to the Birthday Bash. Most of the time we sat out of the crowd because Maria was coughing from all the smoke around us.
It as pretty amusing however because all the people who were intoxicating her lungs worked at the cancer voulenteer booth.=)

Watching her expression hen she found out was purley priceless.

The Matces put on such a great preformance, and all I could see on stage the entire set from Blue October was the the violin guy.

Rude Squad is pretty ddecent, although thier more ska with thier trumpets than anything else. Suburban Tragedy was there as well, which is always amazinggg.
The beach on Wednesday left me looking like a Mexican.

It was so much fun though, and Kilgore and her mom actually got along, which as a true miracle in itself. Brianna is so cute and full of energy.

And shes as smart as a whistle.

She didnt really need me to direct her on how to use the camera, or my cell phone at all.

And I know for a fact she not too familiar with eithier.

She even TXTed. Shes FIVE!

I later found out that Maria was on the boadwalk right by us, all alone. She was pretty upset.

The concert at Bigshots Friday left me filled with happiness, regaurdless if ST made it seem like minors were all satonic spawn.

I know I'll never stay as happy as I've been the past few days.

Soon this will all desinergrate, and I'll become surrounded by fake people, with thier fake lives, draging me down thier same miserable paths, into an ocean filled with lost hopes, and burning desires to be anywhere else in the world of despair, and empty-heartedness than where I will be.

I talked to Justin two nights ago. I couldn't stand being so distant, without any closure.

I love him to death, but I just don't know if I have the strength to go through everything all over again without breaking someones neck, including my own.

I think I just need to bury the hatchet, remember our friendship, and carry on in my life. And if that path takes me away from him, I know in the long run, I'll be better off. I hope.

I can't get hurt again. I won't be able to take it.

Actually, I'm sure I can handle it. Iv'e lways been able to, I just don't want to feel what I've been feeling anymore.

I find it amusing how I hang out with Maria once she leaves the county. I guess it's true, you truly don't know what your missing until it's gone.

I was suppose to hang out with Dylan today, but I was calle din for work, and even if MAria and I did follow through with our plans, we both had an undieing feeling he'd bail, or make some sort of excuse on how he couldn't get to point a and b...blahblahblahh.

So I guess I'll leave off with, Spring break has been wonderful, and hopefully Sunday I can find a way to leave my wnoderful week behind with something great.big.spectacular.ANYTHING.