Commonplace occurences

My week was pretty rad.
Tones of beach time.

Tones of reflexion time.
Caught an octopus. Let it free.

Lala. the end.

Today was the last day my cousins were down in Florida, and I missed them. i had to work, and was unaware that I wouldn't be able to attend afterwards. I'm oretty upset about it too, because I didnt even say goodbye, and I hate not saying goodbye. I hate goodbyes altogether. If you tell someone goodbye, your stating that your leaving. Of thier leaving. Whoever, and that your beoing seperated for an extended amount of time. If you dont say goodbye, and you just leave, or they just leave, theres no closure. What if something happens, and you can never see them again, say a death. Then where are you? Exactly. Your stuck with loose ends, regrets, and sadness. I know everyone leaves in the end. I know that too well. So well, that the thought of loosing everyone is pulling me back. Restraining me from saying hello to people, to expand, to socialize. Not that I have a problem with talking. I csan talk for hours on any given topic, hands down. But the fatc of the matter is... the more people you know, the more people that leave. The more heartbreak you'll get, and the more vulnerable you'll become. How can anyone possible want to set themselves u for something like that? Seriously. Hellos are no better than goodbyes however. For one simple fact. When saying hello, your garnteeing yourself there will be a goodbye. And if there isnt a goodbye, your left with untied strings of gulit. Once again, this cyle never runs dry in my mind. The human race is deadly. Everyone lies to get ahead, to gain trust, to make you believe the things you only want to hear. Once they've got you hooked, they squeeze as much juice as they can out of you. they love watching the pain they inflict. They marvel at the power they have, the things of you they can control. And once your left with nothing. No feelings, no strength, no pulse... well, it on to the next soul. I'm probably just biased, due to my past experiences... or maybe lack thereof as well. I just know how this world works. How the poeple here work. The shame I feel for every indivisual who does a wrong. I don't understand how we can live among people who rape, murder, slander, hurt, prostitute, pimp, lie, steal, distruct, leave, consume, etc.etc. Yes, by consume I'm talking about Jeffrey Dahlmer style. Or however his name is spelt. I mean, can you believe people do that? Kill other humans for food. I will admit, I eat white meat, and thats no better. But aren't we suppose to be a civil society? The government and History books tell us that we are the people who control this land. We are on the top of the food chain. We have the domnant power over everything else that lies beneath us. People are suppose to love people. Were not suppose to be the type of population that dumps the most vulnerable people on the street because they cant afford to pay thier medical bills. we're not suppose to be the type of population who bombs thier own land. Different countries fighting for land, for oil, for power. My teacher last semester tought his class class that Hitler was once here, to teach future humans the horrors of hate. And he's seaking of all of this while our troops. Our killing machines are over in other countries, bombing the innocent. Destorying lives of people who have dine nothing but feel, and breathe, and try to make a living. The same way we're doing. While were over there, gang bangers, and hate crimes are happening right in front of our own eyes. We have the largest military force on earth, and yet we cant eve maintain and control our own. My father currently owns three riffles, and a hand gun. He carries that hand gun around with him everywhere for "protection". Then, the other night, I heard him talking about going out and uying a few more handguns and whatnots from this lady. Why would one person need so many guns for his "protection"? Is he planning on hooking them all up an ramps on our roof, aiming specifiaclly at certain spots, hoping there will one day be a crazed person out there, inching towards our house? Most likely not. It's all about power. The more guns, the more control you have over everyone else. He keeps them hidden in a gigantic lock fire safe box. My mother dosent even know the combination. This way, if hes not home, which he is never home, mind you. This way, if we are home alone without him, what "protectiuon" are we going to use? Our "protetion" is "safeely" hidden away in a fire safe box. Well, at our family will have the comfort of knowing that if there was a fire, our lovely guns are safe. So im pretty sleep deprived right now, I havent slept, and schools in an hour and a half. Iv'e never really had anyone close to me die. I dont care how monsterous this sounds eithier, but I want someone to die. I want to know my reaction to someones death. I think about it all the time. I constantly think about other reactions to my death. I could make a movie on my death. Everyones reactions scaped out oin mymind. How they found out, who they heard it from, the look on thier face, who would come to my funeral, the songs they would play. What Id be buried in. Everything. So. Yeah. Well, by the sound of my alarm screaming "yeah bitch yeah" to me. so, till next time?