Its a rich man's war, but its the poor that fight.

What I thought to be a hundred dollars, quickly plummeted to a mere 500 dollars. I'm paying alsot completley for my class ring, and I'm not even allowed to have it yet. My parents won't let me wear it until it's payed off, which is bullshit. On top of that, I now owe the bank 170 dollars in fines, and I am still in the process of paying off that fucking camera. Anyways, Kilgore, Kirsten, Justin [possibly Leyna] and I, are going to sit down tomarrow, all together, and have a serious, well mannerered, and mature talk about everything thats been going on. That ought to be fun. =///. Dylan and I are supposedly hanging out today at the library, but weall know how that works out. One minute he wants to be my friend, and the next he wants nothing to do with me... or at least that's how it feels.

Last night someone completley trashed justins house with maple syrup, flour, and toilet paper. I find this to be the funniest thing Iv'e ever heard in my entire life. You have know idea the joy inside of me. It's about time he gets what he deserves. And his mother.

A few days ago, I posted this bulletin, without names; but for effect, and so I can remember, I'm posting the names, and a bit more material.





Justin:

1. In the next year, I don't think we'll be friends. We've been drifting apart rapidly, and I've lost so much respect for you. you've changed, and I don't think I can live with the new and unimproved you. You constantly purposly stab people in the back, and worse, unintentionally stab people, PEOPLE who thought they were your Best Friends may I mind you, In the back. I don't think I can befriend another Leyna. I wish to fucking God you can just step off that petastool you put yourself on lately and realize the beauty you have. But you can't, your too busy being egotistical, and malicious towards people that care aboutyou, bcause you think they are never going to leave you know matter what you do to them, so go ahead and fuck with them. And sweetie, I am tired of your game. Tired of watching you destroy everyones feelings, shredding everyones hopes that you won't be like her, but the truth is... you are.



Kirsten:

2. In a year, I don't think we can get an closer than we are now. You know about my childhood fuck- ups and still love me regaurdless=) I know we'll stil be Best Friends, and I don't thik thats going to change much. You may think were drifting apart, but we seem to find our way back to each other. I'm not worried about us, I know we'll be fine. I just wish sometimes you can learn to balane your friends. It's always been, one person at a time with you. Everyone else your not focused on needs to wait to get any attention aout of you.





3. In a year, were going to be closer than we are now. Were alot alike, we both like to hold up alot of walls. I know you've been prone to not get close to alot of people because you move aound alot. But your not anymore, and Kirsten and I are glad your not. You just need to realize people, the people we hang out with. Especially justin, are very... I don't know. They never know what they want. they want everything. Justin feels to be superior he has to be in a relationship. He must b able to win everything. He has to feel special and get as much attentiona s possible, and kirstens the one willing to do so. And why does she you ask? I have a feeling it not only has to do with the fact hte she likes him, but the reasons that she likes him. Shes always been around guys, [and yes I know you have too, but were not talking about you, people grow up and actdifferntly] and I think she misses that. Wether its playing video games or talking about cars. It's just one of those voids nethier one of us can fill. and ustin does this alot. He likes to... alter friends. If everythings not changing, hee feels trapt. I don't know, thats my perspective.



Leyna.

4. i don't know how we got to this point, or where were going from here, but i garentee you, after High School, we won't speak a single word to ech other. You've changed, and I hate it. Rather, I don't think it's a change/ You've always been you. And I'm not saying I regret our "once upon a time's", I just wish you would of comprimised some of your ugly traits to save our friendship instead of loosing all of your friends, complaing you have no friends, dump on my friends, and sit there, wondering why everyone hates you, but not doing anyhting better to change yourself, to make you a better person. Instead you stubbornly sit there and rant on about how people should accept you for who you are. Sorry hunny, but thats not how life works. You need to wake up one day with some serious mature bones in yuor body before anyone takes your friendship seriously. Until then, welcome to Friendshiplessville. You htink I've change and that I'm the sour cunt now. But your only upset because I'm reflecting the attitude towards me right back at you, and you can't stand it. You hate not being the only bully, and frankly were all tired. You can't do this forever,and I'm tired of waiting for you to realize yur mistakes.



Sally.

5. I wish we could hang out more. I really do. It's like, your an amazing person. But every time we have our little span of not communicatiing it feels like, your so close to making it. you've got all these big goals and plans, and I'm here, stuck in Largo. Sixteen. I feel like sometimes, I'm not worth your time. Like I'm too immature. I don't know. Middle School was so much better. We were all the same age then. We were all on the same page. And it's like. We not anymore.You've always beena better person than I was. Since Seventh grade. You've tought me alot about the music scene, and i still want to learn a whole lot more from you.



Dylan.

6. I liked you. Alot actually. And even if were not talking, I still like you. And I don't think thats ever going to change. i just wish you'd open up to me. Everything is so secretive with you, and it kills me to think in the next year, were not not going to be friends, because thats how I'm picturing 2009. I'm doubting our friendship. And I don't want to, but I believe that were going to be in the same place leyna and I are now come 365 days in the futuer. Yeah... maybe not Leyna and I, but in a similar very distant place. Youused to be my confidant, but you never truly opened up to me. And I have a feeling your not. You say everyone leaves youin the end, and I've had no thoughts to ever, but yuorpushing me away andI don't know how to respond to that.



Maria.

7. Mannn, i wish we could hang out more. I hate school, and I hate the fact that I can never see anyone whos not in the same scool I'm in. We live close enough, why can't we? Blahh. in a year, I think were going to be closer than we are now. I am going to get a car come summer, and that wil chang alot of things, I'm hoping anyways. Your such a sweet person, and I hope wwe don't lose touch because your one amazing chicaaa. Your going to be an amaizing pediadtrician, and my kids are going to be your doctor.=). You have such great spirit, and I hope we become closer this yearr.




Nick.
8. I'm not to sure about you. You;ve always been a mystery to me. I still want to be friends with you in a year, and rumor is your comming back to Largo. So thats cool. Oh boy, I used to like you so fucking much, and that makes me so fucking mad. you went out with all of my friends. All of my best friends. I wanted to punch you in the ball sack like crazyy. Haha. I don't know if we'll be friends in a year, i guess we'll just have to wait and seee.




Dustin.
9. We've never met. And I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. It seems like to me that we'd be too sarcastic for our owngood if we've actually met. Haha. I dont doubt our friendship come a year from now. And apparently your comming in the summer. Even though youve been saying that for the past three summers. sometimes I just wish you'd stop talking about chickens and jokes and actually have a decent conversation.




Brandee.
10. I'm glad we've become friends this year. Well, I'm glad we've become slightly friendlier to each other than we have been i the past.2009 seems better for us.=). I'm glad were sisters, and I hope we stay that way? Idkk, haha.

Hiding with your eyes shut, tightly on the way to the hospital.

I feel the need to draw mtself farther out of this life I've been trying to make for myself.
It seems like were allgoing in different directions,and I'm not sure if I want to hold on much longer.
It's like I am constantly being let down by everyone around me. I can't trust the people I'll always trust.
Ican't love the people I'll always love.
And it's tearing me into a billion and three pieces.
I'm a hundred dollars in debt.
Thanks to Pamela.
Shes such a bitch. I'm sorry that her husband abandoned her children and herself to sleep with his co-worker, and stay at his mothers house an hour away, but that's not my fault.
It takes two people to Tango, and i stay away from dancefloors.
Your built up aggression shouldn't be taken out at me, or your little scout.
Anywho, Kirstens Birthday was Sunday, and today she got new breaks and an oil change.
Oh yeah, and she saw her childhood hero. So while I'm trying desperatle to lift a thousand pound rock off of my head before I go to work, shes posting bulletins with a billion smiley faces, stating shes so happy.
This is another problem in this group. Were all so different. Were all on different planes, all at the same time. Everyday, All day.
It's this constant balance of happiness and deprression were all facing.
I'm usually left in the depression part of it all.
Say what you will, this al makes sense to me, however you've stopped reading this by noww, thinking, this girl is fucked up. She has no idea what shes saying, and she rambles in circles.
Well my dear, I know exactly what Im saying, and my mind is just that, a cirlce.
It's actually a thousand entangled crazed circles, each keeping its own thought or question or idea, and each one desperatley trying to find its way out of the clump of other circles.
And yes, all of this is going on while I'm criss-crossed on my uncomfortable chair, leaning back, typing and wating for my vegetable soup to cool; i'm just complex. And I'm just that simple.

Fell into a Wishing Well, so thats where iv'e been drinking.

My winter break is drawing itself to a very fast end.
Theres not alot I accomplished.
The people I tried to dedicate my last two weeks too, never heard a peep from me.
I'm a horrible friend for doing so.
I'm losing everyone, I can feel it.
It's so hard to keep friendships when all you ever get is thirty minutes of IMing or commenting back and forth.
I need a second job, and I intend to find one soon.
this may become aproblem in a few areas.
While I hav'nt been able to communicate with my distant friends, I feel like getting a second job could only encourage and gaurentee the destruction of those friendships.
I never once intended to do this to my friends I never see, but it seems inevitble.
I want to go back to eight grade, where I had time for everyone, and all of my friends went to the same school.
We weren't distant, we were seperate, and everyone knew, and liked each other.
Now its so different. No one likes each other, or everyones driffted away from each other, and I'm stuck wondering how everything turned from happiness, to lonliness.
I'm not saying I don't love irsten, Kilgore, Justin, and Leyna. If you can even call Leyna ca close friend...
But I want to be able to see my friends that arent enrolled into my school.
I'm always on the computer if I'm not at school, and if I'm doing niethier, I am at work, or sleeping.
It amazies me that I devote seven and some hours a day, five days a week to something I don't even excell in.
i can't say I want to change that, but I really want to change that.
I just want to have the title of exceling in school, without putting any effort into it.
I don't know.
Maybe a second job would do me justice.
At least I'll have a better excuse to be as pathetic as I already am.
hmm. Maybeee. I don't know.
i spent the last couple of days with Kirsten.
I can't say I enjoyed it. And I can't say that I disliked it.
I just feel like shes afraid to be herself around me.
She told me a few nights ago shes worried I'll leave her.
And maybe I will someday. But for now were here, and were together.
Last night I told her nothing lasts forever, and in twenty five years we won't even remember each other.
And it's true. Thats how I truly feel. It''s so rare to keep your High School friends decades after Graduation. And I don't want to kid myself into thinking forever really means forever.
These days, forever is alot shorter than anyone could ever dream of it being, and it's only growing shorter.
i was watching the History of the Ku Kulx Klan tonihgt, and it made me so sad to think about how awful anyone could be to another person. How awful people still are to people.
I could never imagine myself being as cruel, and evil-hearted as some of those people.
Justin called me up today, and he wants me to bring him over $150.00 to compansate him for the loss of the camera I "broke" nine months ago. I was going to do the right thing and give it all to him, regaurdless if hes doing the right thing to me or not, but now I feel like it's not entirely my fault htta the cameras life ended. Nine months ago he should of though about shoving all his self-pity down my hroat. but im tired of it. He's walking around with five hundred dollars in his wallet, he can pay for it. I'm not going to pay the entire thing, even if it is "his mother" I owe it too.
He won't prevail.

=))

Liquor Is Quicker.

Happy New Years Day, to those of you who can rightfuly name this day as such.
My New Years has been unfortunatly slightly less than Happy.
Actually, disasterous strikes be best as of now.
Sunday, I slept over at Kilgores house, in hopes to go to Bush Gardens with her father, like we all originally planned to attempt.
All night we were recieving phone calls from Kirsten, she accusing me of replacing her with Kilgore. Go figure.
Her accusations are far less surprising to me than most of her others.
Everytime I start to get close with someone, Boom.
Shes done it with Leyna before. Shes so paranoid our friendship is being replaced, its pathetic.
Anyways, aroiund two int he morning, she calls and tells us her father and her went head to head, in a resulting attack where she was brought to the ground by her pouncing father.
We tell her to calm down and lay low for a few days.
Next thing we know, Kilgores drunken father starts to rant about wether Kilgore worked tonight.
Next thing you know, he slams his cell into the counter, and goes head to head with Kilgore.
He threatens Kilgore to send her back to her mother. That he dosen't care.
He slams his fist into the side of her head, and she starts to beat onher, an attempt that was less than succesful.
Her fathers a wall. A cinderblocked wall, like prision bars; unbreakable.
Her Aunt Wendy Starts to yell at him when he screams "Your just like Valerie. Valerie, Valerie... Valerie." Kilgore starts to break out in tears. And I just watch as this seemingly fictional movie plays in front of my eyes.
Next thing you know, hes in Wendys face, bad-mouthing her teeth, trying to demean her. Unsucessfully they carry their battle into the hallway, where her uncle enters the battle. "You think your the man of the house?" the father rants, half slurred with angry tone. He pushes Wendy with two open hands oto her chest, and slamming her back so hard, she looses breath.
On the ground now, Wendys body is slammed by her husbands when the father decideds to go after the uncle. He slams him into the the glass table, busting it.
The shattered glass falls to the floor, loud and slow.
The sharo shards of glass puntcure the skin of her uncle, his elbow spews out blood.
His body falls on top of his wife as her father countinuously beats him.
Right arm. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Kilgore and I scatter to find the phone, hand it to her grandmother, and she desperatley calls 911. "Hes in the system", she says. With his boxer shorts, he walks out the door after confronting Kilgore once more. When the police arrive, Angela and Sabrina are told to go into Kilgores room, as well as I. I try to calm them down. "Its going to be alright, hes not comming back here tonight, I promise". Searching for the half naked man, they finaly find him, ontop of the roof. When he comes down, Hes told to walk throught the house, from the back to the front door. Looking straight ahead, he walks.
Never once looking anyone in the eyes.
Kilgore didn't come to live with her father to take the same abuse her mother put her through.
Yes he was drunk, and yes this was the first time, but he always said he'd never hit her.
That it was always her mothers thing.
I guess he was wrong.
He was just released a few months ago from a four and a half year sentence to prision.
The story goes that he was outrunning the police, and ran over a car or something like that.
He was drunk as well.
That ight, we went over to Rally's at four, and got so coffee.
She got some Subway, and I got some Pringles, and we played Sorry and Chess until we were both too tired to do anything else.
And we splet on er couch until eight when we moved over to the living rooms, and slept till noon.
Monday we find out theres a $5,000 price on each of the people he attacked.
$15,000.
Hes not allowed to visit the house anymore with any of the three people there.
Kilgore called her mother, and told her that he was in jail for domestic assault.
Her mother sent the cops out to get her and bring her to her Dunedin pig-sty to live there, with Brianna.
As I was taking a shower, I heard her voice tell me she was going down to the police station,and to just finish my shower.
She left, and her aunt took me to work.
When I got home, the first thing I did was calll Kirsten and hear if she heard anything.
her mother took her away to live there, and thats all I understood.
If she does stay there, she'll have to transfer schools.
She'll ahve to get a new job.
We'll never see her.
We can't let that happen.
Theres got to be a way.
She can use Robin, and her mothers house, and her other using her social security, and the abuse shes put her throgh, everything to get ack to her grandmothers house.
But shes one of my best friends, and I can't let her move away, just for this.
Anyhow, I fell asleep before the ball dropped, and woke up fourteen hours later.
Still down, and drawn out from the lack of sleep I recived, I'm worried about her, and what the final results are going to be.
She hasn'e called anyone, or contacted anyone, but hopefully she will soon.
Very soon.