Fell into a Wishing Well, so thats where iv'e been drinking.

My winter break is drawing itself to a very fast end.
Theres not alot I accomplished.
The people I tried to dedicate my last two weeks too, never heard a peep from me.
I'm a horrible friend for doing so.
I'm losing everyone, I can feel it.
It's so hard to keep friendships when all you ever get is thirty minutes of IMing or commenting back and forth.
I need a second job, and I intend to find one soon.
this may become aproblem in a few areas.
While I hav'nt been able to communicate with my distant friends, I feel like getting a second job could only encourage and gaurentee the destruction of those friendships.
I never once intended to do this to my friends I never see, but it seems inevitble.
I want to go back to eight grade, where I had time for everyone, and all of my friends went to the same school.
We weren't distant, we were seperate, and everyone knew, and liked each other.
Now its so different. No one likes each other, or everyones driffted away from each other, and I'm stuck wondering how everything turned from happiness, to lonliness.
I'm not saying I don't love irsten, Kilgore, Justin, and Leyna. If you can even call Leyna ca close friend...
But I want to be able to see my friends that arent enrolled into my school.
I'm always on the computer if I'm not at school, and if I'm doing niethier, I am at work, or sleeping.
It amazies me that I devote seven and some hours a day, five days a week to something I don't even excell in.
i can't say I want to change that, but I really want to change that.
I just want to have the title of exceling in school, without putting any effort into it.
I don't know.
Maybe a second job would do me justice.
At least I'll have a better excuse to be as pathetic as I already am.
hmm. Maybeee. I don't know.
i spent the last couple of days with Kirsten.
I can't say I enjoyed it. And I can't say that I disliked it.
I just feel like shes afraid to be herself around me.
She told me a few nights ago shes worried I'll leave her.
And maybe I will someday. But for now were here, and were together.
Last night I told her nothing lasts forever, and in twenty five years we won't even remember each other.
And it's true. Thats how I truly feel. It''s so rare to keep your High School friends decades after Graduation. And I don't want to kid myself into thinking forever really means forever.
These days, forever is alot shorter than anyone could ever dream of it being, and it's only growing shorter.
i was watching the History of the Ku Kulx Klan tonihgt, and it made me so sad to think about how awful anyone could be to another person. How awful people still are to people.
I could never imagine myself being as cruel, and evil-hearted as some of those people.
Justin called me up today, and he wants me to bring him over $150.00 to compansate him for the loss of the camera I "broke" nine months ago. I was going to do the right thing and give it all to him, regaurdless if hes doing the right thing to me or not, but now I feel like it's not entirely my fault htta the cameras life ended. Nine months ago he should of though about shoving all his self-pity down my hroat. but im tired of it. He's walking around with five hundred dollars in his wallet, he can pay for it. I'm not going to pay the entire thing, even if it is "his mother" I owe it too.
He won't prevail.

=))